If you're happy and you know it...

...make it your Facebook status, of course.

A friend on Facebook recently had a status that read, "if you're posting about how exciting your life is, then odds are it's probably not that exciting."

I disagree. It's all relative, really. Facebook statuses are (unfortunately) an open forum. You can say whatever you want to say - "is happy." "hates everything." "has too much to do today." There are no rules, no guidelines and no stupidity filters.

The Christian Science Monitor has this fantastic piece about Facebook tracking our moods according to status updates.

Apparently, the system counts buzzwords - like "happy" for instance. So far, the best days are holidays - because on Thanksgiving/Christmas/Valentine's Day, we probably all say things like "Happy [insert holiday here!]" So anyone who writes "Happy Love-As-A-Manufactured-Holiday Day" to be snarky on Valentine's Day is actually one cheerful statistic.

The worst days: the days that Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson died. But we already knew that we're a nation that invests far too much in pop culture happenings.

This made me chuckle: "Facebook also generated a survey, which revealed that people who used more positive words in their status updates, were happier overall and 'reported higher satisfaction with their lives.'"

Really? Negative people don't have positive status updates? I have a theory that Facebook has only further perpetuated the negativity. More and more people my age, who I knew as positive, happy-go-lucky individuals, are turning into attention-seekers with one click of a button. One of my friends has made multiple updates about her dying dog: "Yes, she is still alive. I'll let you all know when she's not. Leave me alone." If you're asking for solitude from your 545 friends, then you're probably not actually wanting that.

What we have here is a lack of tact. Were it not for the whole Freedom of Expression snafu, I'd love it if Facebook created a few restrictions for its status updates:

1. Limit negative posts to a certain number per week. Seriously, unless you live in American Samoa, where a tsunami just wiped out your existence, your life cannot possibly be that bad.

2. Limit pop culture references. You were really not the first to know when MJ kicked it.

3. Any status that contradicts itself or asks for pity ought to be deleted after a certain amount of time - say half an huor. That gives the updater the satisfaction of "letting it out." I understand FB is becoming a place to air our dirty laundry, but after the gratification, you should be forced to clean up your act - or deal with the consequences of what happens when you broadcast yourself needlessly.

It amazes me how social networking has created monsters of us. I'm gonna go post about this on Twitter.