The 5K!!

Whoa.

So, yesterday.

Wow. I wish I had written this post yesterday to better capture the exhilaration of the experience. Today, I am tired. It's a deep kind of exhaustion; my muscles ache, my feet are swollen, I just want to sleep, and ohhh do I have blisters.

But yesterday morning was the best ever. It started out a little dubious. I got there entirely too early, after skype-ing with Chris and stretching out/warming up with Billy Blank's 8-minute tae bo workout. After 5 minutes at St. Peter's, I had finished registering, annnnd had an hour to kill. My sister called before 9 to talk and wish me luck, my dad sent me a text telling me he'd be on the boardwalk part of the course.

9:30 eventually arrived, and, bundled in my layers, which included my awesome free commemorative t-shirt, plus a hat and gloves, we all gathered at the start.

3...2...1!

Mile 1. Welcome to hell, Mother Nature cackled at me. Hardest mile: I struggled against a horrifyingly cold wind as we ran north along St. Louis Ave (which is about halfway between my apartment and the beach), eventually heading right and down another neighborhood street, then down Ocean Ave (which runs parallel to the boardwalk. Not easy - I slowed down to a slow jog twice, then saw we were approaching Mile 2 and the boardwalk. That was when everything got a little easier:my body was warming up, I was no longer snotting all over the place in the bitter wind, my breathing was normal. I passed my dad on the boardwalk and only had enough time to yell where he could meet me at the end. "It's freezing!!!!" he said as I passed. The end of that mile was slow again for me, and I really began underestimating myself. Yes, the fact that I showed up and ran at all was enough to be proud of, but I was fearing a really poor time at this point. I walked twice, but realized that it was pointless because it didn't make me feel warmer, less achy and it certainly didn't get me there any faster.

We exited the boardwalk and ran up NJ Ave. People in my group were beginning to slow down and walk at this point. We turned down a street and I realized I was only another few blocks away from the finish. Already?? Really?

Now, I had taken a lot of time to prep my playlist, and wanted the music to play in a certain order. Well, after the race began, I realized the good old iPod was on shuffle...so now, I didn't know what song was next. Still, I couldn't have planned this moment better: as I rounded the 2nd to last bend, the Foo Fighters came on. Everlong.

I admit I put far too much emotional stock in song, but Everlong's one of my favorite running songs as well as one that reminds me of Chris. I knew it was going to help me through. So I lept going. As I reached the last minute, the song changed again, to "Generator" (also by Foo Fighters). It seemed so right to see the finish line as the lyrics played: "I'm the generator, firing whenever you quit. Whatever it is, you go out and it's on."

The music, my mindset and my adrenaline took over completely. I forgot that I was tired, cold and achy. I sprinted to the end, pushing as hard as I could, crossed the line, got my finisher card. And then I started crying.

I don't know what came over me. The past few weeks have been a mix of busy and trying. I never thought this simple little run could give me the freedom I felt yesterday. I feel like I've left negativity behind. Because if I can do this, then I can hurdle anything.

I was a little disoriented, and thankfully got my bearings with the plethora of free food and water they offered inside. I went back to the finish line to find out my time.... 32:47.

And that's when I had my Joe Biden gaff: "HOLY SHIT!" flew out of my mouth in the presence of a priest and like 4 kids. I admit I need to work on that.

So there you have it: One of my goals for March is gleefully checked off. not only did I handle the 5K, but I finished it in under 33, just as I promised. I'm a mix of tired, peaceful and calm. Then again, I haven't really done much and it's already 1:00 on Sunday. Until next time...

Born to run!

I neeeeeeeed to go to bed, but, I figured I'd write a brief post.

The day is finally here! Tomorrow is the Fisherman's 5K. I am one nervous Nelly. I'm a little concerned about this race. I feel like it's a great way to "break into" running if I plan on doing more of these, because a) this race is only in its 2nd year and b) it's very small. But, the perks of being new and local also comes with major disorganization. It was my mom, who dug out what looked like a basic route for the race, but it was buried under pages of shit. And the date said 2009. I'm concerned.

I finally spoke to someone who told me all I had to do was show up at St. Peter's. I think I can handle that. I just wish it were a bit more organized. I want maps, dammit!

And, unfortunately, I'll have the weather playing against me tomorrow. 45 degrees; thankfully it'll be sunny. I've heard you ought to dress like it's ten degrees warmer out. My layers include: long pants, a tank, a tshirt,a long-sleeve shirt and two hoodies (both on the light side). Am I overdoing it? Meh. Probably yes. OH, and add a hat to that too.

After the race I'm seriously considering chopping my hair off. I need a clean slate in the worst of ways for many, many reasons. Short hair won't fix my issues, but there's nothing like the redemption of being able to start over.

Well, that's all for now. I'll be back on Sunday, I'm sure, with plenty to say!

DIY gone bad + Shamrock Shenanigans

This week flew by, but I wish I were happy about it.

It’s not that I didn’t have a blast this week – I did, actually. My friend Bri came and stayed over for two days, and a few of us went out for St. Patty’s armed with ridiculous hats and shamrock tattoos. We went to Toms River, two towns over, and had a rowdy ol’ time at a normally calm and quiet sports bar. Who knew?

Last night I spent my evening outside. God, I love the arrival of spring. Everything about my life gets a little better: the frequency of which I wear sunglasses, the drive home stuck on 206 – with the windows down and some good tunes going, the free time I have on weekends. It seems so much sweeter with the sunshine and warmth.

So, I set out to fix my bike, which has been long overdue for a seat adjustment. I even wound up calling my favorite handyman, the future brother-in-law Mike, for some advice. Unfortunately, by the time he returned my call, my bike seat’s hinge was in 5 pieces and I was running out of sunlight. I can’t reassemble it, so it’s off to the bike shop.

Except getting things fixed costs money. And I’m out of it. Granted, I think I finally have a hang of why I’m running out of it so fast (unexpected expenses, not necessarily me being careless with money. I got billed for medication that I need, so…it is what it is). So now I’m faced with the strong possibility of picking up a weekend job. I’ve already applied to one or two places, but I don’t know what will come of it. I may even consider working weekends somewhere in Point, even if it’s the boardwalk, for just the month. I’m borderline desperate.

It’ll be OK. I have to keep telling myself that.

And perhaps that’s what worries me. This is not the life I imagined. Financially, I make just enough – and that’s really OK with me. But then when emergencies happen, or $100 of work on my car pops up, or Bank of America calls me about my credit card that I owe money on, I’m suddenly flat broke, and “making just enough” is not enough.

There are people out there who focused solely on their financial future and perhaps they’re smirking to themselves right now. I’d like to emphasize that I have never been happier where I am, but I am realizing the ugly necessity that money is becoming as I get older.

I worry about my future. I really worry. Everyone assumes a happily ever after when Chris comes back to France; that he’ll magically make a fortune coming out of school and we’ll buy a perfect place together. It seems to be implied that he’ll make bank and that I’ll just be able to be taken care of based on that. Well, I’ve got news for you: I never want to depend on anyone else. Ever. I have seen too much horror to believe that I’m safe from the ugly implications of when 'for as long as we both shall live' goes wrong.

And lately I question it. I do. It’s not just a long-distance thing, it’s a getting-to-know-someone thing. And I wake up from nightmares I’ve been having lately, and I wonder if this is “one of those days” or something much bigger than I can handle.

The absolute must-needed weekend

The week from hell passed last week and I'm looking at even more stress ahead.

But talk about a weekend. I feel so refreshed and caught up with the important things: my friends, my sense of adventure, my abilty to just let loose and have fun.

On Friday, I went to Queens to see my dear friend Zach, who just moved to the borough. I was a little wary - an apartment in the city, in Queens no less, but... it was the cutest place. His kitchen flowed very nicely into the living room. All of it was simply and tastefully decorated. We had delish dinner and an incredible breakfast, conquered our bad habit of falling asleep way too early. SUCH a great day.

Saturday was a great adventure, well-spent tearing up the Borgota in Atlantic City. I've never been one for the casinos - but our one of our favorite new dive bands was playing a late show at Gypsy Bar.

I'll be posting pictures sooner rather than later, but I assure you: these guys ROCKED the house. They're a cover band, but a cover band who picks you up and turns your head upside down. In short, Colleen and I danced our woes - and STRESS - away.

And as if it couldn't get any better - what a DAY we had today!!! I ran outside (my first outdoor run...with mixed results. I mean' I'm not terrible at it, at the very least!), got sunshine, wore capris and drove with the windows down. And I felt happier.

And now, to watch the Oscars. A perfect end to a much-needed weekend. Bring it on, Monday Blues... I'm ready!

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Been a rough couple of days, however - it's clear to me now that I need an attitude adjustment. Big time.

I've been unnecessarily negative and find myself in Complaint Mode a lot. I got annoyed over Skype-ing with Chris and how our schedules really don't overlap. I got mad at traffic, my car, the price of everything. I took my stress out on a salty bag of chips yesterday, then felt like crap....hmmm, I wonder why!!

My clean eating book came yesterday. I think it's a step in the right direction. I have a lot to live for when I really think about it. I am relativeluy healthy right now. People near and dear to me are not as lucky, whether it!s cancer or just a lack of taking care of themselves.

I have neglected my body for way too long, and while I know I'm doing better, I need to try harder all around: yes, a better diet, but a better attitude has to come with it. I'm tired of trashing my body and my outlook. More later.

And as the years go by...

I like thinking about anniversaries, age and numbers. I get a little hung up on it, but I am so fascinated by the idea that time truly is the measurement of change.

Today, for instance, is two months until my 24th birthday. Today marks one year from the first time I woke up with health insurance that didn't belong to my parents. Today, rent is due. I wrote my tenth rent check. Six more weeks marks my one-year anniversary of packin' up and moving out.

I am continually fooled by time. For that, I'm grateful. I keep thinking I've learned all I need to know, and my experiences prove me wrong every single time. That's a life well-lived.

I need to sleep before I start rambling like some philosophy major. I wrote tonight for the sake of writing; I'll make a little more sense tomorrow, maybe. Cheers!